You wake up, without the prompting of an alarm, and survey the vast expanse of the weekend laid out before you. Saturdays are the best days, you think to yourself, deciding to stay in bed a little longer. Or perhaps its the joy of sleeping in yet again, indulgent and serene, that prompts you to think, Ah yes, this is it Sunday is the highlight of every week. Maybe youre a Friday-loving sociopath. It doesnt matter. Youre wrong. All of those days are fine, but theyre not the best day.
The best day is Thursday.
Thursdays are wily: Unlike most days, there are no expectations for Thursday, and it deftly plays that lack of promise into a wealth of possibility. Thursday is that guy at work who you never talk to, the one that seems nice enough, always shows up on time, doesnt raise a fuss, and quietly does a quality job every time. Thursday is humble, understated excellence. It will never make you feel ashamed of not doing enough with your Thursday. Youre welcome. (Thursday would never say it sarcastically like that, which is why Im saying it on behalf of Thursday.)
How should we rank the days of the week? Great question. Heres the answer:
- Thursday
- Saturday
- Sunday
- Friday
- Tuesday
- Wednesday
- Monday
Everyone knows Monday is trash, thats a given. Wednesday is right in the middle, which isnt doing anyone any favors. (Plus, Wednesday has a terrible disqualifying nickname which I shall not utter here.) Tuesday is better, but really only because anything looks good after Monday. Friday is manic and excitable and overrated and almost always too much the Ace Ventura-era Jim Carrey of weekend days. Sunday is great, but Saturday is, of course, greater.
But! Thursday is the best. It falls late enough in the week especially if you work in an office that most people have chilled the fuck out. The first few days have been wild, yes, but yall got shit done. Thursday feels like a much-deserved break.
Importantly, it also avoids the pressure of the actual weekend. A lot of people college kids especially like to unofficially kick off the weekend on Thursday, and no wonder! Its low stakes. Hang out and do something fun, maybe have a few drinks, but only if you want. The actual weekend is still on the way. In the meantime, heres Thursday. Isnt it nice to see Thursday again?
And if you do have a few drinks, its fine to be a little bit hungover on Fridays. Only an asshole would send something difficult in your direction on a Friday. You may have an asshole in your life, and if thats the case, Im truly sorry. Get away from that person as soon as you can.
Granted, it may seem like Friday brought about your salvation, but thats simply untrue. Friday never did shit for you. Friday announces itself at the end of the week, just when you are at your most exhausted and ready for relief, and yells, Time to party, motherfucker! Its Friday, you better have plans!
Friday delights in fucking up your good time. Fridays reputation is unearned. Do not let Friday swindle you.
Saturday is a great day, if were being honest. Hence, the coveted #No. 2 ranking. But Saturdays got a couple things going against it. First of all, theres Friday, the coked-out rabbit of days. Just by virtue of its placement in the week, Saturday often has to spend a lot of its time accounting for Fridays misdeeds. Saturday is the underappreciated janitor that cleans up after Fridays happy hour.
Plus, Saturday has so much pressure! As the classic misinformed, of course, but nevertheless best day for many people, its the day where a weeks best occasions are slotted by default. Birthday parties, sporting events, beer festivals, playdates in the park, you name it, its scheduled for Saturday. See you on Saturday. Theres way too much going on on Saturday. Oh god, lets just stay home on Saturday. Weve set up Saturday to fail, people.
Sunday can be pretty chill sometimes. But since it precedes Monday, it all too often comes with loads of anxiety. So stressful is the first day of the week that modern-day working adults have coined a term for it: the Sunday Scaries. You suck, Sunday. Have a seat.
You can count on Thursday in the clutch, and Thursday will stay out of the way when necessary.
Friday and Saturdays egos are a problem, but perhaps this is unsurprising. Saturday has had myriad musical hits written about it by the likes of Elton John, the Bay City Rollers, Chicago, Sam Cooke, the list goes on forever. Friday is similar: The Cure, Rebecca Black, Katy Perry, etc. Saturday Night Live. Ice Cubes Friday franchise. These are monumental pop culture moments, iconic household names. These days have got a lot to live up to! As a result, they almost always try too hard. And theyve gotten a little too comfortable in their popularity, frankly.
Thursday, meanwhile, takes a more interesting, less-heralded path. That screamo band with the thrilling, overdramatic slapper from 2001. A surprisingly incredible meal from a local restaurant that your alternative weekly has yet to discover. That oddly meme-able moment from the Netflix show. You can keep the bluster and the limelight and the fame Thursday doesnt need any of that. Thursday is happy to do great work, be kind to others, and sleep well at night. You can miss Thursday with that bullshit.
Theres an interplay at work when it comes to the days of the week and which ones are the best, of course. Whats terrible on Monday and frankly, cliché or no, sometimes everything is terrible on Monday is usually not so bad by around lunchtime on Wednesday. In that way, Wednesday is something like the idiot nephew of the boss. Much like Friday, Wednesday doesnt deserve its place in the week. But just by virtue of being there, its better than most days. Things have cooled off, Wednesday feels good. But most importantly, Wednesday is setting us up for Thursday.
Which brings us back to our hero. Take a moment and think about last Thursday. Wasnt bad, right? Maybe it wasnt especially great, either. But its kinda like when you cant remember what you had for lunch yesterday. You mustve gotten the calories you needed. And you certainly didnt get sick. It wasnt like that depressing breakfast from the other morning.
Thursday is reliable. You can count on Thursday in the clutch, and Thursday will stay out of the way when necessary. Thursday never speaks up just to hear its voice in a meeting. Thursday always goes out of its way to praise you publicly and give mannered criticism privately. Thursday is a tasteful guitar lick in a sea of overdriven power chords.
But crucially, Thursday isnt a pushover. Its not a stick in the mud.
Thursday is full of surprises. Thursday unexpectedly has a splash of whiskey in its coffee sometimes. Thursday! youll say when you smell it. And then youll join in as well. Thursday is good at making bad decisions a great thing at which to be savvy.
Thursday is surprise and delight. Thursday is never overrated. Thursday is just right.
It is the best day.
Austin L. Ray is an award-winning journalist based in Atlanta who’s written for Good Beer Hunting, Rolling Stone, Creative Loafing(RIP), Oxford American, First We Feast, and one terrible gas station periodical. He loves gardening, rap music, and hoodies. Zach Galifianakis once screamed in his face.read more
