101 Witty and Sarcastic Quotes

Last Updated onJuly 5, 2020
You decide to go for a run with a friend and accidentally trip on your shoelace and fall into a puddle. Your friend helps you get up just seconds before it starts to rain. This is the best day ever! you say. Must be your lucky day, huh? she replies. You get home, change into your pajamas, wash your dirty clothes, and call it a day. 
What is life without a little humor? Lets be honest. Not all motivational quotes come from the greatest writers and the most inspirational books of all time. Sometimes, motivation can come from the mean, honest, and sarcastic remarks that also happen to be the funniest and most memorable ones. 
Comedy helps us get through a lot of difficult and awkward situationsinstead of being straightforward and blunt, being sarcastic also does the trick and gets the point across.
People always say that life shouldnt be boring. The sassiest comments can be the best mottos, reminding us to live whimsically and unapologetically. One good thing about sarcasm is that it can be used in almost every scenariowhether youre having a conversation with a co-worker or talking to your friends, an unpredictable response thats dripping with irony can leave people in stitches. 
The sappy and sentimental quotes arent for everyone, and thats okay. Some people like to live by humorous lines and end up inspiring others with their witty quips. A good amount of comedy reminds people that no matter how tough life gets, a few laughs can make things seem a little better. 
Sarcasm Explained
Sarcasm is the most common form of verbal irony, and it is often used to sugarcoat scorn or disapproval. Sometimes, saying things sarcastically can be more effective than saying things literally. Some studies on the use of sarcasm show that most people find sarcasm to be more effective and condemning because it conveys both thoughts and emotions. 
Of course, experts on communication and psychology advise people not to rely on sarcasm as it is often the cause of conflicts and misunderstandings.
The Unexpected Outcome
Research shows that there can be benefits from using sarcasm, one of which is creativity. Why does it boost creativity, you might ask? To come up with or understand a sarcastic remark, the brain needs to think clearly and creatively. The persons tone should hint that the statement shouldnt be taken literally and should rather be understood differently.
This process facilitates creativity for both the giving and receiving ends of the verbal exchange. In fact, research suggests that when it is used with caution and moderation, it can be more effective and can stimulate creative thinking. 
There will be times when saying things plainly just wont do the job and youll want to say things sarcastically. There will also be times when youll find inspiration in the most sarcastic lines and have them saved on your phone. Sometimes it takes a while to come up with wisecracks, so to give you a little boost of creativity to unleash your sardonic wit, here are some truly sarcastic quotes that are equal parts wise and hilarious. 
Sarcastic Quotes
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Steven Wright
2. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.
3. I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
4. Its okay if you dont like me. Not everyone has good taste.
5. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Oscar Wilde
6. You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.
7. Mirrors cant talk, lucky for you they cant laugh either.
8. History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. Abba Eban
9. If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. Ill be poor.
10. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. Albert Einstein
11. I dont believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.
12. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. (Sign in Albert Einsteins Office)
13. Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?
14. In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep. Albert Einstein
15. I feel so miserable without you, its almost like having you here.
16. Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. Albert Einstein
17. If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me. If anything can go wrong, it will. Murphys Laws
18. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
19. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Murphys Laws
20. If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
21. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Murphys Laws
22. I love sarcasm. Its like punching people in the face but with words.
23. What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera Aldous Huxley
24. I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today.
25. Reality is just a crutch for people who cant cope with drugs. Robin Williams
26. Im not saying I hate you, what Im saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.
27. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. Robin Williams
28. Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
29. Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many; and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures. Robin Williams
30. Sarcasm the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
31. Ah, yes, divorce from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet. Robin Williams
32. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
33. He was happily married but his wife wasnt. Victor Borge
34. Yet despite the look on my face you are still talking.
35. All the good ones are taken. Murphys Laws
36. Find your patience before I lose mine.
37. Money cant buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position. Murphys Laws
38. Just because I dont care doesnt mean I dont understand.
39. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. Murphys Laws
40. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. Ashleigh Brilliant
41. Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love. Benjamin Disraeli
42. Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldnt be as much fun.
43. Its a match made in heavenby a retarded angel. Woody Allen
44. Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.
45. People that pay for things never complain. Its the guy you give something to that you cant please. Will Rogers
46. Always remember that youre unique. Just like everyone else.
47. A half truth is a whole lie.- Yiddish Proverb
48. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
49. Nobody really cares if youre miserable, so you might as well be happy. Cynthia Nelms
50. Id tell you to go to hell, but I work there and dont want to see your ugly mug every day.
51. What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense. Mark Twain
52. I never forget a face, but in your case, Ill be glad to make an exception.
53. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. Robert Oppenheimer
54. Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.
55. The more that learn to read, the less learn how to make a living. Thats one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living. Will Rogers
56. Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.
57. Sarcasm is the bodys natural defense against stupidity.
58. People say that laughter is the best medicine your face must be curing the world.
59. Heres to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.
60. If at first, you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you.
61. I can explain it to you but I cant understand it for you.
62. My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.
63. So you mean to tell me a stress ball isnt for throwing at people who stress you out?
64. Lets share Youll take the grenade, Ill take the pin.
65. I havent even gone to bed yet and I already cant wait to come home from work tomorrow.
66. Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end youre still a retard.
67. Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.
68. Well at least your mom thinks youre pretty.
69. Im sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasnt really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
70. My neighbors diary says that I have boundary issues.
71. I dont always tolerate stupid people. But when i do, Im probably at work.
72. Just because the voices only talk to me doesnt mean you should get all jealous. Youre just a little too crazy for their taste.
73. One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand. Kurt Vonnegut
74. Dont worry about what people think. They dont do it very often.
75. Its weird, marriage. Its like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their other half. Jess C. Scott
76. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
77. Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt. -Cassandra Clare
78. I clapped because its finished, not because I like it.
79. A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers? Cassandra Clare
80. Im not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
81. Im quite sarcastic, and Im funny, but not kind of funny. Its a weird funny, and some people dont get me, and some people do. Millie Bobby Brown
82. Im not sarcastic. Im just intelligent beyond your understanding.
83. Dont mistake this fake smile and professional body language. Id punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldnt lose my job.
84. Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.
85. Whoever says nothing surprises them should try working at our office.
86. Sarcasm is the bodys natural defense against stupidity.
87. Oh, and I suppose the apples ate the cheese. -Suzanne Collins
88. I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
89. That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.
90. Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them. -Walter Kerr
91. Lifes good, you should get one.
92. I am so clever that sometimes I dont understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde
93. No, you dont have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.
94. A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
95. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!
96. A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. -Sir Winston Churchill
97. Im sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.
98. Just keep talking, I yawn when Im interested.
99. Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood. -Cal Thomas
100. Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
101. I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect. –Oscar Wilde
Tags: angry sarcastic quotesattitude i dont care quotesawesome funny quotesbeing mean quotesbeing rude quotesbest funny quotes everbest quotes of all time funnybest sarcastic commentsbest sarcastic quotesbest sarcastic quotes on friendshipbest sarcastic remarksbest sarcastic sentencesbest short funny quotes about lifeclever movie quotesclever quotes about lifeclever sarcasmclever sayings about lifeclever witty or sarcastic remarkcomedy quotes about lifecool funny quotes comcrazy funny friendship quotescrazy funny stupid quotescynical humor quotescynical quotesdaily sarcastic wisdomdamn quotesdont be mean quotesdumb sayingsepic sarcastic quotesexamples of sarcastic remarksexamples of sarcastic statementsfamily guy retardfamous funny quotesfamous funny sayingsfeel better quotes funnyfuck my ex quotesfunniest quotes of all timefunny about me linesfunny and deep quotesfunny and sarcastic quotesfunny aphorismsfunny appreciation quotesfunny as hell quotesfunny attitude quotesfunny bad motivational quotesfunny bad quotesfunny bad relationship quotesfunny but deep quotesfunny but meaningful quotesfunny but serious quotesfunny but true quotesfunny crazy quotesfunny daily inspirational quotesfunny deep quotesfunny dumb quotesfunny good luck quotesfunny hilarious sarcastic quotesfunny i miss you quotesfunny ironic quotesfunny ironic quotes and sayingsfunny life quotes and sayingsfunny lines to sayfunny mean quotesfunny offensive quotesfunny one word quotesfunny personality quotesfunny philosophical quotesfunny phrases to sayfunny qfunny quotes about lifefunny quotes about miserable peoplefunny quotes about selffunny quotes about stupid peoplefunny quotes about yourselffunny quotes and sayingsfunny quotes by famous peoplefunny quotes in englishfunny real life quotesfunny real life sayingsfunny remarksfunny remarks to say to peoplefunny rude quotesfunny rude sayingsfunny sarcasmfunny sarcasm sarcastic quotesfunny sarcastic good morning quotesfunny sarcastic jokesfunny sarcastic memes about lifefunny sarcastic motivational quotesfunny sarcastic quotesfunny sarcastic sarcastic quotesfunny sarcastic status updatesfunny sayingsfunny sayings for adultsfunny sayings funny quotesfunny sayings funny quotes about lifefunny self care quotesfunny serious quotesfunny shit quotesfunny short quotes sayingsfunny smart quotesfunny sorry quotesfunny statementsfunny success quotesfunny thank you quotesfunny thank you sayingsfunny things to say to peoplefunny things to say to someonefunny thought of the dayfunny trust quotesfunny waiting quotesfunny wednesday quotes for workfunny wednesday sayingsfunny winning quotesfunny wisdom quotesfunny wise quotesfunny wise sayingsfunny witty quotesfunny witty sarcastic quotesgood funny quotesgood morning sarcasmgood to know sarcasmgreat funny quoteshilarious quoteshilarious quotes about lifehilarious quotes and sayingshilarious sayingshilarious short funny quoteshilarious short quoteshow to give sarcastic replyhow to spell sarcastichumor sarcastic life quoteshumor sarcastic quoteshumorous humor sarcasm quoteshumorous quotes about lifei like you quotes funnyi m weird quotesi miss you like sarcastic quotesi miss you sarcastic quotesinspirational sarcasmintelligent quotes about lifeironic inspirational quotesironic quotesironic sayingslatest funny quoteslooking stupid quotesmake quotes images onlinemean but funny quotesmean person quotesmissing friends quotesmonday sarcasm imagesmonday sarcasm quotesmost sarcastic quotesnasty sarcastic quotesoffensive jokes quotesoffensive quotespatience quotes funnypictures of sarcastic sayingsquirky sayingsquote of the day funnyquotes about being awesomequotes about being dumbquotes about being funnyquotes about being sarcasticquotes about boastful friendsquotes about funny personalityquotes about people being meanreally funny quotesretarded picsrude and funny quotesrude captionsrude people quotesrude quotes imagesrude sarcasm quotesrude sayingssad sarcastic quotes on lifesarcasm at its best meaningsarcasm funny sayingssarcasm hilarious quotessarcasm of the daysarcasm quotes for facebooksarcasm society quotessarcasm you are not my level quotessarcastic advice of the daysarcastic affirmationssarcastic anniversary quotessarcastic answers to what are you doingsarcastic appreciationsarcastic bitch quotessarcastic boy quotessarcastic but funny quotessarcastic captionssarcastic commentssarcastic comments and quotessarcastic evil quotessarcastic family quotessarcastic fb statussarcastic friday quotessarcastic friendship quotessarcastic funny men quotessarcastic funny quotes and sayingssarcastic funny quotes on lifesarcastic good morning memessarcastic good morning quotessarcastic good night quotessarcastic greatsarcastic happysarcastic happy quotessarcastic imagessarcastic inspirational quotessarcastic jokessarcastic jokes on friendssarcastic lines on lifesarcastic lines on lovesarcastic looksarcastic love quotessarcastic love quotes for himsarcastic mean quotessarcastic meme quotessarcastic memes about lifesarcastic motivational quotessarcastic movie quotessarcastic new year quotessarcastic people quotessarcastic phrasessarcastic picturessarcastic positive quotessarcastic quote of the daysarcastic quotessarcastic quotes about arrogant peoplesarcastic quotes about being ignoredsarcastic quotes about ignorant peoplesarcastic quotes about lifesarcastic quotes about life lessonssarcastic quotes about mensarcastic quotes about opinionssarcastic quotes about yourselfsarcastic quotes for bosssarcastic quotes for enemiessarcastic quotes for haterssarcastic quotes funny work quotessarcastic quotes on life factssarcastic quotes on stupiditysarcastic quotes sayingssarcastic quotes to live bysarcastic relationship quotessarcastic relationship quotes funnysarcastic remarkssarcastic reply to a complimentsarcastic reply when someone ignores yousarcastic sayingssarcastic sayings about annoying peoplesarcastic sayings about familysarcastic sloganssarcastic sorry quotessarcastic statementssarcastic thank yousarcastic thank you linessarcastic thanks quotessarcastic things to saysarcastic things to say in an argumentsarcastic truth quotessarcastic two word phrasessarcastic witty quotes and sayingssarcastic words of wisdomsarcastic work quotessatire quotessavage humor sarcasm quotessay what you mean quotessaying things you don t mean quotessayings about stupid peoplesayings funny quotesshit talker quotesshort and funny quotesshort clever sayingsshort funny daily quotesshort funny quotes and sayingsshort funny sayingsshort funny wordsshort quirky quotesshort sarcastic quotesshort sarcastic sayingsshort stupid quotesshort witty quotesshort witty sayingssilence is golden duct tape is silversilly boss quotessilly relationship quotessilly sayingssmall funny quotessmart mouth quotessmart quotes about lifesmart remarks quotessnarky love quotessnarky quotessnarky sayingssocial media quotes funnysomething funny to saystrong sarcastic quotesstupid ass people quotesstupid but funny quotesstupid captionsstupid friends quotesstupid funny quotesstupid funny sayingsstupid inspirational quotesstupid life quotesstupid movie quotesstupid quotes and sayingsstupidity at its finestsuper funny quotestalk about me quotesthe best sarcastic quotesthey say quotestoday quotes funnyvery funny quotesvery sarcastic sayingsvery short funny quotes about lifewednesday funny quotes and sayingswhat if sayingswhile you re ignoring her quoteswhy do zombies eat brainswitty commentswitty comments meaningwitty cynical quoteswitty phraseswitty quoteswitty quotes about lifewitty sarcasmwitty sarcastic quoteswitty sarcastic sayingswitty sayingswitty things to saywork quotes funny sarcasticwork sarcasmworst day quotes imagesread more